


Schizophrenic

by 1975sam



Category: Larry Stylinson - Fandom, One Direction (Band)
Genre: Bedroom Sex, Blowjobs, Car Sex, Dom!Harry, Fluff and Smut, Gay, Gay Harry, Gay Louis, Gay Love, Gay Sex, Harry in Lace, Kinks, Kinky, Louis in Lace, M/M, Mental Health Issues, New York, New York City, Phone Sex, Rimming, Rutting, Schizophrenia, Sex, Sexual, Smut, Smutty, Spanking, Sub!Louis, dom!Louis, larry fluff, larry stylinson - Freeform, louisandharry, sub!Harry, sweet nothings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-26
Updated: 2015-01-03
Packaged: 2018-02-22 18:23:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2517419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1975sam/pseuds/1975sam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if you have multiple souls in your body but you're the most powerful one.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>You have control over your body and the voices you hear in your head are just the weaker souls attempting to reach out and talk to you.</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Maybe people with schizophrenia don't have an assertive soul so all of the souls in your body are fighting to take over your self being.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> *there may be triggers but i have no idea what those triggers are yet so please dont read if you are easily triggered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please please please understand that this is fiction and shouldn't be taken seriously. I have done research for schizophrenia before I started the fan fiction. Also please do not read this if you're easily triggered because there might be triggers. I apologize if you get offended but its only for entertainment purposes NOT to make schizophrenics feel terrible about themselves. Have a great morning, afternoon, , or night.

"No! You cant take him away from me, he's only a child. He needs me." The faint pleads of Louis' mother sends chills all over his body, he couldnt help but notice his body aching in fear. Quiet sobs escape from his throat as his mother gives in and waves good bye to her vulnerable child. Her cheeks are tear stained and she's obviously broken, defeated.  
Mommy  
A lady gets into the back seat with the young boy and flinches from her presence. He couldn't speak, he was so scared and hesitant to do anything physically, so he just thought.  
I want my mommy. . .  
"Where am i going?" The small boy gathers up the courage to finally speak up after a traumatic 15 minutes of just silence in the vehicle. He ends up asking where he is headed to. The woman notices how torn apart Louis looked and grants him with the answer.  
"Its okay honey, we are going to get you some help, okay? You are going to get better we promise. How old are you sweetheart?" She speaks gently to calm Louis down the best she could.  
"S-seven...", He whispers, letting his tiny sobs die down.  
"What is your name?. .."  
"Louis."  
"Louis what?"  
"Louis T-tomlinson..." As Louis looks out the window he can begin to hear the voices (his friends of the force as he would call them) once again and they're telling him that he needs to scream and run to "save himself" from the cruelty. They wont stop, the voices are the only company he has now that his mother is gone for a while. He begins to cry again at the thought of not seeing his dear mother, "Louis, I need you to calm down okay. It won't work out and we can't give you the best unless you cooperate." He continues the cries but he's obviously trying to calm down. 

Louis suddenly wakes up panting rather loudly, he sits up in relief, clenching a fist to his small chest as he looks around his dark, messy bedroom, trying to find some sort of item that could bring him back into reality. He sees the clock and that was his reality check. There are tears rolling down his chiseled cheeks. That is the fifth time this week that he's had that past moment seep into his worst nightmares. He looks back at the clock and realizes he still has at least an hour before he begins an early shift at the Deli.  
He continues to sit there looking around and the voices increase higher and swarm through his weak mind. He hears a few "Die, die, kill yourself, i see you, I see you sitting all alone". He gets goosebumps and squeezes his eyes shut trying to get rid of the voices, yet nothing seems to work and ends up rubbing his face in exasperation. He starts to speak to himself, begging, just begging for the voices to go away. Louis decides to just get over it and gets dressed into his uniform with a long blue sleeved button up with black skinny jeans and black vans. Do i want to eat? He decides against it and grabs his house keys and heads out into the town. The sky is clear with a few white clouds and the trees are bright and dark green, the wind is rustling, and the city is hectic. Taxis are zooming past and through the traffic, coffee stands with lots of customers, and people pushing past one another just to get to their destination on time. New York City, it has always been a dream of Louis to live here. When he was in treatment, he saw a travel book and fell in love instantly with the place. Louis was in treatment for two years with no friends or family. One day the voices weren't as strong and he proceeded to take various tests and was set “free” (well not exactly). The institution decided to put Louis into a foster home because it’s closer to the institution rather than sending him back to Maine where the Schizophrenia could eventually develop once again. He was sent to a foster home with great people, got raised properly even with the terrible illness, he got through it. Louis is still trying to get through it. Louis finally ends up in front of the deli, he enters and goes straight to the back to enter in the punch card, grabs a white apron, and wraps it around his slim waist. Business is slow but it’s enough to help him with the necessities. Louis places platters of sandwiches and put them inside the display box for customers to see and make a quick purchase if they’re in a rush or whatever. He stands at the check out counter staring at the clock until about 5 people came in at once. He attends to them as quick as possible. The front door opens once again and a girl who looks about twenty one enters the deli, she wears her hair in a sturdy bun, she has blue jeans and a white shirt on, black Vans, and wears round black rimmed glasses. She starts to fumble and loose her balance when she passes the threshold. She falls along with all her stuff and the papers scatter everywhere and her bag slides away from her. Louis quickly puts his order notebook on the counter and quickly makes his way over to her.  
"Oh god, are you okay?" He says offering his hand to help her get up. She takes his hand and stands up quickly, dusts herself off, and Louis squats down to the floor and continues to pick up her glasses off the floor. He holds them up over his head for her to retrieve them while he’s still on the floor picking up her papers. Louis gathers all of them up in a pile, and on one of the scuffed up papers it has a title that makes him feel incredibly sick.  
SCHIZOPHRENIA: The New Era Illness  
*find a patient and study study study!*  
Oh god, she is researching schizophrenics. The voices start in his mind again and he tries really hard to keep his mouth shut and calm down, he doesn’t want to alarm her either. He always ends up arguing with the voices internally.  
"Yes, I’m okay , thanks. That is so embarrassing, I am so sorry, aha,” She tucks a loose hair behind her ear and Louis grabs her bag and gives her the folder of papers. She then pushes her glasses up the bridge of her nose.  
"No worries, im a bit clumsy myself." The voices are whispering and Louis couldn’t hold it in anymore and he mumbles to himself.  
"Hey, you okay, did you hurt yourself? Hah." She notices, giggles and tries to joke around and he attempts to recollect his small thoughts to focus on what she just asked.  
"Yeah, im fine, just a little migraine when i woke up this morning.." Louis smiles and goes back behind the counter, "What would you like?" He says ready to insert her order into checkout.  
"Um, just a Rhode Island Special." Louis nods as he types in the order number.  
"Combo, or just the sub?  
"Erm. . . combo."  
"That will be $7.64 please."  
She grabs her wallet and pulls out a 10 and gives her extra change back.  
"It will be out in 5 minutes.” She nods as she takes a seat in the back of the deli. Louis sighs and goes into the kitchen to prepare her combo. Louis doesn’t want her or anybody really to know that he’s a schizophrenic. He’s tired of being poked at after being in a hell hole of a treatment facility. He takes it straight to her but she is so focused on typing on her computer to notice him when he walked up. He clears his throat and places it next to her.  
"Oh, thank you." Eyes still on her screen.  
"Oh u-um I’m so sorry, I totally forgot, would you like a coffee or soda?"  
Stop making it obvious. . .  
The voices begin to mock him.  
"Coffee is fine. Oh um, two creamers and four sugars please." She continues to type.  
He comes back with her prepared coffee and tries his best to avoid her for the rest of the time that she sits there. A group of four pile into the deli and he becomes occupied taking their orders. He looks over once more to where the girl was sitting but the chair was vacant with the coffee cup sitting there. I walk over to it and under the cup, there's a 5 dollar tip and a note.  
Thank you for helping me with my dramatic entrance this morning. As you may have seen from the documents, i research people with Schizophrenia and i want you to come to my place on Thursday. Yes, i noticed your slurred speech and bad hygiene (no offense), all the mumbles and avoiding eye contact, and when you did make eye contact your eyes were pretty dilated . I have somebody you could meet that could really help you cope. My number is 555-8236. Please call and let me know if you will show up. I know about your rare case of the illness, so please help me so i can help you. -Gemma Styles  
Holy. Fucking. Shit.


	2. Schizophrenic

Its been days since i saw Gemma at the Deli. I have her note in my hand and Im pacing back and forth thinking if i should meet up with this girl. Could she honestly be helping me or am i falling into some sort of trap. Well, i mean, she is studying schizophrenics so i would be helping her in a way. Fuck it, im calling. I flop onto my bed and grab my cell phone. I dial in the digits and wait for the dial tone to purr through my ear. It begins to ring and I get nervous. After the third ring she picks up.

"Hello?"

"U-uh yeah, H-hi its um Louis. We, uh, met at the deli a few days ago. . . Um, I called you beause i know you're um. . . studying schizophrenics? As you could probably already g-guess, i'm schizophrenic. Ha." I start to stutter.

"Yeah, im glad you called. Are you busy now?" She asks nicely.

"U-uh no, thats kinda why i called. . ." Did that sound kinda rude?

"Oh, right, well, I'll text you the address and ill see you at 7?"

"Yeah, thats fine."

"Alright, ill text you the address, bye bye."

"Bye."

I get the address a few minutes later. I take a few hours to sit and go over what im going to say without the voices making it difficult for me to speak.

. . . .

I proceed to pay the taxi driver for his service as i make my way up the door steps. I check the house number and its the correct one. I hesitate to knock and right when i do the door swings open. Im taken by surprise when it does open. I didnt expect her to know i was already here. Its 6:30 but i couldn't wait any longer.

"Hey, come in." She gives me a warm smile and leads me in.

Dont go in! Louis stop you idiot! You suck!

I choose to ignore it the best i can and i walk in. Its a very nice apartment and its very close to central park. Must of been pricey for this place. I wipe my dirty vans off on the door mat and i close the door for her.

"Very nice apartment." I compliment.

"You like it?" We're moving towards the kitchen now and shes at the fridge pulling out a bottle of water.

"Yeah, its lovely." I state and she smiles then hands me the beverage.

"So, shall we sit in the living room? I just have a few questions to ask if thats okay with you?" We reach the living room and settle down on her couches. They're very comfortable.

Dont get too comfortable, you're too big of a burden.

"I dont mind." I say and try my best to smile and be polite.

"Okay I'll go get my journal so i can record your responses into it."

"Okay." I whisper to myself as she walks away.

She comes back a few seconds later with a journal in her hand. She takes a seat and opens up to the first page. She has her pen ready as she settles down.

"Okay so first question, did you know you were schizophrenic or were you diagnosed?"

"I-i had a clue that i wasnt normal, until i got diagnosed later at the age of seven. I havent told anyone except for my mother."

"Do you know if there's different kinds of schizophrenia?"

"I d-dont know. Mine is really weird, like it comes and goes and ill hear people whispering in my ears at night and random times during the day. Sometimes what the voices say is pretty harsh." She's nodding and writing the stuff down.

"Okay, what kind of stuff do you usually hear?"

"Its not all too terrible but it does kinda bother me at times where i cant focus. It just freaks me out a lot. I hear my name being whispered in my ear and ill hear random voices, and other times its just a white sound that passes through my head. Then there's the harsh 'kill yourself you worthless shit' voices. I apologize for my french.."

She laughs a bit and smiles, "No worries." She says," So its never really clear? Its just whispers?"

"Its clear when i hear my name and the harsh words but then sometimes its just mumbles. It happens in sections like for a week it will go away and then it comes back. Its been happening more when im nervous or stressed."

"Is it a female or male voice most of the time?"

"It depends, but usually its female."

"Oh alright, hmm." I look at her writing everything i just said down. I take a chug of my cold water and set it down on the coffee table.

"Is there any stereo types that you know about schizophrenics that arent true?"

"The ones about us being crazy or dangerous. Its not bad or anything."

"Well, thats all i have to ask you for tonight. If i have more questions later, would you mind if i texted you and asked them?"

"I dont mind." I smile and take another sip of my water. Then i hear footsteps come down the stairs. I think its just the voices making me paranoid. I dont pay attention to it and continue drinking from my cup, until i hear a delicate voice. Its a young male maybe the age of 20.

"Gemma, are you busy?" The man with long curly hair says. He is wearing a black shirt and some jeans. He has these really funny looking boots on. He swiftly walks into the living room not even noticing me. Her boyfriend, perhaps?. . .

"Louis, this is my brother, Harry. Harry, this is Louis, my friend." I stand up.

Harry.

Her brother?

I sigh in relief, but dont actually sigh, it was one of those inner sighs of relief.

"Hey, i didnt see you there. I apologize but its nice to meet you. As you already know, Im Harry, Harry Styles." He says and smiles. He's very intimidating. We shake hands and sits on the couch where i was sitting.

"Well it was g-great to meet and chat with you but i-i should go. Thank you."

"Leaving so soon?" Harry speaks up. He picks up the cup on the coffee table and drinks the water. I swallow hard, just thinking about his lips on the cup where my lips previously were.

"Gemma, was that yours? Sorry, i was kinda thirsty."

"Uh, that was Louis'. . ." His eyes grow wide.

"Oh, whoops, I'm really sorry, I'll get you another cup." He gets embarrassed and puts it back down. He stands to go to the kitchen but i stop him.

"No worries im leaving." I softly smile at him and thank him for the kind gesture.

"Are you sure you gotta leave so early? You should stay for dinner!" Gemma kindly offers.

"Thank you so much for the offer but i have an early shift tomorrow at the Deli. . ."

"Oh, that's a bummer, well it was great to have you here and thank you for helping me with my report. Talk to you soon?" Gemma asks.

"Yeah, sure." I smile and she walks me to the door.

"Um, Louis? Do you have a ride back home?"

"Um, no, but its fine ill take a taxi or the subway. No worries, Gemma."

Harry walks up to the front door, "Im willing to take you if you're okay with that?"

"No, really its fine. I really dont want to trouble you."

"Trouble me? Never! I'll go get my keys." Harry runs away from the door and leaves Gemma and I alone.

"Sorry, he's really enthusiastic. He's a really nice person. He's too nice to even live in this cruel world. He's a little too fragile to be so kind."

"He's a gentleman." I softly smile and look behind her to see if Harry is coming yet. Harry returns with his keys and walks down the steps in front of me down to his parked mustang. I smile at Gemma and hug her.

Then she whispers in my ear,"Strong is his specialty. Take his advice and you will go far."

"Alright. . ." I say but im somewhat confused and a bit creeped out from how she interpreted her words. I waved one last goodbye as i walk down to his car. Harry awaits me with the passenger door open.

He's a gentleman.


	3. Schizophrenic

"Thanks," i say as i get into his vehicle.

"No problem," He closes my door, goes around to his side of the car, and gets in.

"So, where are you headed to?"

"Um, its only 10 miles away from central park going west. Its in West Side, a street called 'Amsterdam Avenue'." I try to be specific as possible.

"Oh, used to live around there a few years ago. How old are you?" 

"T-twenty three." 

"You're not too old. Heh, im twenty one." He smiles and starts the ignition.

"Cool." I partly smile and Harry begins to drive off.

"Where are you originally from?"

"Im from England, but my mother moved from England to Maine when i was a few weeks old." I reply and then look into my lap.

"Oh wow, that's a coincidence because im also from England."

"Oh, what part?" I couldnt help but ask, my curiosity took over.

"Chesire, what about you?"

"Doncaster."

"That's very interesting."

"I guess so. ."

"So what brought you to New York?" He asks keeping his eyes on the road.

"I saw a travel brochure while i was in tr-class." I rub my index along the top of my right hand.

"Was it a good choice?" He smirks and looks back at the road.

"I think so?. . ."

"You're very quiet, Louis." The way he says my name makes me shiver. He just makes me so nervous.

"Sorry." I apologize, I feel like too much trouble.

 

You are a burden.

 

"So, what type of schizophrenia do you have?"

What?. . . .

"W-what?"

"I know you're Schizophrenic. I used to have a major case of Schizophrenia but i got treated for it and it was a miracle that it got treated in time before it got too bad. I kind of understand what you're going through."

Holy shit. What do i say to that?

"Oh, u-uhm, Congratulations, Harry. . .but I was told that my schizophrenia was rare and it was too dangerous for me to live in society."

"But, you're living in society now. . . or am i driving you to an institution?" He jokes but i dont laugh. It gets awkward.

"Um, yeah, well, after two years of treatment, I took tests to see if i was still 'dangerous' or whatever i was to them and i tested to be a normal schizophrenic. I feel as if i got torn away from my mother for no reason. . ." Have I said too much?

"Im sorry to hear that, how old were you when you saw her last?"

I take a deep breath and i try my best not to lose my self control. I look outside the window and see the trees zipping by.

". . . I was s-seven . . . ," I whisper.

"Oh my goodness Louis. Have you tried to contact her?"

"Yeah, I've tried for many years to locate her but i cant. I dont know if she's back in England or if she's still even. . . " I hold back the sobs.

"Or if she's even alive. . . ." I say with the hurt clear in my voice.

I look over to him as he stops at a stop light and he looks over at me. His eyes are glossy and they seem to be burning in my self being.

"I'll help you find her." He looks at his steering wheel. Then once again, back up at me. The moonlight hits his face and his eyes glow from the shades of green in his eyes.

"You dont have to worry about it, but thank you." he looks disappointed that he couldnt help but he nods and continues to drive. Seconds pass that turn into minutes and we are now in front of my home.

"Well, we're here Louis."

"Thank you once again and I'm sorry for making you drive back home alone." I say as i still sit in the car. I cant seem to make eye contact with him.

"You dont ever have to apologize for anything. It was no trouble at all, Im just glad i could help you with something." The way he makes the butterflies in my stomach makes me wonder why im feeling like this. I've never been so intimidated by a guy before. I mean im not even into guys, or experimented with any. I haven't had those feelings towards them. My palms are sweating and my head hurts. Its just the voices remember?

"Thanks anyway." I speak out and i get out of his car. I shut the door and he rolls the window down to say one last thing.

"Goodbye, Louis."

"Goodbye, Harry."

And with that he speeds off and out of sight. I walk up my door steps and the voices begin to speak out to me. I quickly unlock the door and step inside. I slam the door shut and i hear them in my mind.

Louis... Its just a minor whisper.

Louis! Hey! Stop Walking! STOP! HEY LOUIS! I see you! You're WORTHLESS! You think he likes your presence?! The voices continue to yell at me.

I squeeze my eyes shut and i re-open them quickly. I run towards the bathroom and quickly make it over the sink and vomit.


	4. Schizophrenic

I feel disgusting when i finally sit up from my bed. I reach over and shut off my alarm clock. Another day at the deli that i am NOT looking forward to. Another day of serving people who can be rude sometimes but eh, it gets me some money. I start my first semester for University in a couple of months. I haven't really had enough money up until now and i think im ready to go into my studies. I cant complain about having an apartment and a job that gives enough money. (Plus the help of my foster parents.) I stand up and make my way into the kitchen to find the window open. I shut it not thinking much of it and proceed to make myself some coffee while i get ready. I come back and im once again in a blue button up, its a long sleeved shirt of course with black skinny jeans and my vans. I pour my coffee into my cup and decide to kill time and sit down and watch some TV before my shift starts. I surf through the channels and see a documentary about Schizophrenia. I roll my eyes and turn off the TV and decide to kill time by walking to work slowly.

. . . . . .

"No, ma'am. There is only the combo or the sandwich by itself." Im trying my best not to cuss this woman out because, then, i will really lose my job.

"Fine! I just want the sandwich!" She nags, aggressively pulling out a 10 dollar bill from her wallet.

"Coming up ma'am." I sigh and walk into the kitchen.

"Turkey on wheat bread." I lazily walk back into the main area of the deli and decide to clean up the tables a bit. I grab the dust pan and the broom. I sweep around the tables and wipe the tables down as well. I get up from being on the floor from scrubbing a coffee stain off of it. I quickly get up when i hear the order is ready and i bump into a strong and fit figure. . i look up and its Harry. 

 

"O-oh im really sorry. . ." I say and look down at the floor.

"Hey, Louis. No worries. Uh, i didnt expect to see you here? You work here?"

"Um,. yeah im wearing this apron for a reason."

"Wow, you really are sassy."

"What do you mean?" I say as i make my way back behind the counter.

"Oh, Gemma was, uh nevermind." Harry smiles and pulls out his wallet.

"So, w-what brings you to this side of town for a sandwich?"

"Oh i was going to meet up with somebody. We just finished catching up and i decided to just come and eat and i ended up here." He looks into my eyes and i think my stomach flips.

"Oh, was it fun?" Then out of nowhere a lady interrupts us.

"Uh, young man, i ordered my sandwich 10 minutes ago!" She is so annoying.

"Oh yes ma'am, hold on." I walk away and roll my eyes and retrieve the sandwich. I walk back to the counter and deliver her sandwich.

"Enjoy your sandwich miss." She huffs and walks away. Now its just him and I.

"Wow, that was-"

"Rude." I interrupt.

"Yeah." He giggles and orders a sub.

"Combo or just the plain sandwich?"

"Combo is fine."

"6.79 Sir."

"Sir? Haha, no need for making me feel old please Louis." I cant help but smile as i insert the money into the register. I give his extra change back and he sits in a table diagonally from the check out counter.

The sandwich comes out in under 3 minutes and i go over and deliver it to him.

"Enjoy, Sir-."

"Louis. . ."

"S-sorry its habit I-I guess. . ."

"No worries." I smile and begin to walk away when he reaches out for my wrist and his hand is so huge that it invades half of my forearm. I look back and he lets go but the touch still lingers. Oh, his touch.

"Do you have anymore mustard? I believe this bottle is empty. Can i please get another bottle please?. . ." He smiles as he shakes the mustard bottle.

"Yeah, s-sure thing." I quickly walk away and retrieve the bottle. i just want to get out of his way.

"Here you go. . .Anything else, Si-Harry."

"Yeah, one more thing. . ."

"Yeah?"

"Can i have your number? I wanted to know if you could maybe hang out later. I dont have much to do later and i get really bored of just writing and reading. What do you say?"

"U-uh, um, yeah t-thats fine. I'll be right back?. . ." I didnt mean for that to sound like a question but it did. I come back with a pen and a paper. I write my name and number down. I click the pen and walk away before he has anything else to say.

 

Harry has finally left, i go up to his table to clear it when i see a 100 dollar tip. You've got to be fucking kidding me right now. I cant take this from him. I quickly stuff it into my pocket and clear the rest of his table. I shake my head from how ridiculous his tip was. He could be saving this for himself, I would've been fine with 3 dollars, no scratch that, one dollar would've been cool with me. I'll just talk to him when he calls or texts me tonight.

. . . . . .

"Bye, Kenny. Dont forget to lock up okay? Jorge would kill us."

"No worries Lewis."

"Its Lou-ie."

"Right..."

I roll my eyes as i close the door of the deli and begin my walk back home. Home isnt that far but its at least 5 blocks away. Its been fairly calm in my mind since my interaction with Harry today, but i cant seem to stop thinking about his visit. As im walking back home, I come to a complete stop when i hear somebody scream out my name. I turn to the direction in which i heard the voice come from and surely enough it's Harry, sitting in his car. 

"What are you doing here?" I walk to his car kind of confused as to why he is still here.

"I asked you today if you wanted to hang out tonight remember?"

"Yeah, i know that but i wanted to get home and clean myself up. I smell like ham sandwiches." I tug on my uniform and he giggles.

"You look fine."

"Im in my uniform. . . " I sigh.

"Get in, i'll take you home if you really feel like cleaning up." He offers me the ride and i cant help but accept it. I open the car door and get in. 

"Were you here this whole time?" I put on my seatbelt as i begin to question him

"No." But it didnt sound convincing, though i let it go. I then remember about the money.

"Harry i cant take your money." I whisper out.

"What?"

"I cant, its too big of a tip, i mean you should keep it for you. You might need it. I appreciate your kind gesture." I pull it out of my jeans and hand it over.

"Im not taking it, Louis. You earned it for assisting me." He starts the car, ignoring my hand that holds the 100 dollar bill. 

"Honestly, Harry, I-"

"Just take it. I really want you to keep it, it's for you." He looks serious but then his features soften when he notices my distressed posture.

I cant help but sigh in defeat as i place the 100 dollar bill in my jeans and thank him.

"So do you know how to get my house or do you need directions?" I look out the window.

"Nope, i got it. I remembered them." I feel his eyes on me so i turn to him and find him smiling. I cant help but sheepishly smile back. 

"Oh, wow, impressive." Then we just carry on conversation about how avocado can ruin great sandwiches.

. . . . . 

"Well, u-um im not sure if you would want to come insi-" I quickly get cut off.

"Psh, hell yeah i do." Harry then parks the car in front of my flat and gets out quickly to open my door. I'm getting pretty nervous because i dont normally have company over and my apartment is kind of a mess. Oh shit, i really regret this. 

"I'll follow you. Lead the way." Harry says as i lead him up to the flat. I swallow hard as we reach the door. I pull out the key to unlock it and i pretend that its the wrong key. 

"Oh jeez, um Harry, can you wait here, there's a back entrance but its kinda difficult to go through the whole process of getting back there so I'll go and unlock it from the back. . . so erm. . . I'll be back." He nods letting me know its fine and he waits while i go around my apartment. There truly is a back door but since my place is a mess, it gives me a chance to get around quickly and clean it up. I finally get to the door, unlock it and quickly run to the kitchen to throw away any trash and put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher. I pick up clothing off the floor in the living room. I go straight to the bathroom and wipe down the edges of the sink from the left over hairs i shaved off my face the other week. I wipe down the toilet as well with anti bacterial wipes and then run to my room and pick up my dirty clothes and pull the covers up on my bed. I grab air freshener and spray it around the house. There, that should do it. I bet im red and sweaty but it will show that i "struggled" to get to the back door. I run back to the front entrance where i previously tried to enter from and unlock it. 

"Sorry about that." I sigh from exhaustion from the quick clean up.

"No worries." He smiles and comes in. He automatically wipes his feet on the doormat as if he were a trained to do so. I close the door behind him and i offer him something to drink.

"Um, water is fine, thanks." I open my fridge up and see there isnt much food left. Well, i guess grocery shopping is on my to do list tomorrow morning. Luckily, there is enough water left in the jug. I fill up a clean glass and hand it to him. 

"Um, well, there's Internet here, i can give you the password if you want so you're not bored while i take a shower?"

"Um, its fine. I dont usually use much internet or social media sites." He gives me a reassuring smile and i just sigh.

"Okay, well i wont take long." I run around and go straight into the bathroom. I strip quickly and step into the shower. I turn it on and a rush of cold water smacks against my face.

"Oh shit!" I half whisper half yell as the water starts to adjust. I start to get comfortable and wash my whole body. After about 10 minutes I'm stepping out to wash my teeth and comb my hair. I get out of the bathroom with my towel wrapped around my waist and try to sneak a peek at Harry in the kitchen but i dont see him. I walk in more to see if he went to the living room but he isnt there either. im starting to panic because what if he changed his mind and left. What if he thought i was disgusting?

You are disgusting. Kill Yourself. Problem solved. The voices begin to stress me out.

I ignore it because I really dont need this right now. I quickly walk to my room and open the door to see him laying face up on my bed. He is just admiring a book i started reading a few months ago.

"Oh jesus Harry!" He jumps a little from my sudden appearance in the room but it doesnt stop him from just laying on my bed and skimming through the pages of the book.

"Oh, sorry i was just exploring and i sat on your bed and it was the most comfortable bed I've ever laid my bum on." He finally sets his eyes off the book and sets it down on my nightstand, which then Harry proceeds to prop himself up with his elbows and sees me in my towel. I grip onto the side of it to prevent it from falling down, and exposing myself to him. I barely know him anyway so im pretty uncomfortable being shirtless in front of him. His eyes are skimming over my body and i interrupt him from his innocent assault.

"Um, u-uh im just going to get my clothes and get dressed in the bathroom. You can still lay there, if you like." I blush and rush to my closet and tighten the towel to my torso. I slide my closet door open and pull out a white muscle tank top and some black jeans. I walk to my drawers and out of my peripheral vision i see Harry still staring at me. I hold in my breath in fear that i'll breath too hard. The water droplets are falling down my back. I grab my boxer briefs and walk quickly out of my bedroom and straight into the hallway bathroom. I close the door and let go of the nervous breath i was holding in.


	5. Schizophrenic

Im looking at myself in the mirror realizing that boy out there, laying in my unmade bed, does something to me. He gives me this feeling of adrenaline that i want to explore and I've never really explored. I dont ever want to stop exploring either. I take off my towel and see my cock already getting somewhat hard.

Fuck.

I try my best to ignore the feeling of hopelessness. I slip on my boxer briefs, my jeans, then my shirt. I look back into the mirror and my hair is a mess, once again, i comb it into place and add some cologne. I got it as my birthday/Christmas present from my fosters but i dont really use it. Its called Bleu De Chanel, so it must be good? I spray a bit onto the back of my ears and into my neck. I brush my teeth and step out of the bathroom, feeling much better. I walk back into the bed room to find Harry laying on his side, back facing towards the bedroom entrance. His legs look really firm and fit in those jeans.

Stop Louis. Stop.

He is softly snoring as i approach him closer. I walk over to the other side and see his eyes are closed shut in peaceful harmony. His lips are partly open and his rosy cheeks are settled into a pink color to match his lips. His hair is long and extended over his defined face. Harry is asleep, and safe looking. Im debating if i should just let him sleep and i could go out and get him something to eat or wake him up to go out. He just looks so peaceful here and so secure. I dont even want to breath next to him. I decide that im just going to go get him some fast food and come back. I grab my wallet, my house keys, my phone, and a note. I write down the wifi password and an explanation as to where i have gone off to. I set it on the nightstand and leave the apartment. I lock the door and walk into the night towards a good pizza parlor i visted a few weeks ago after my shift. You learn to appreciate other foods more, well because, I just get sick of sandwiches after a while especially when I'm the one making/serving them. After about 7 minutes, i reach the front of the pizza parlor. I pull on the door and enter the aroma of freshly made pizza. I walk up towards the cashier. I just struggle so much when it comes to ordering things.

"O-One large, um, pepperoni pizza and a bottle of coke please. . ."

"Is that all sir? Bread sticks are only a dollar extra." The kind lady offers.

"Yeah, t-thats fine." She goes and gives my order and i quickly retrieve it, leaving as quick as i possibly could. Im walking back home quickly. The night gives me shivers and the voices begin to speak to me.

 

. . .

Im walking through the door when i hear 'Stand By Me' by Ben E. King blasting in my bedroom. I couldnt help but giggle as i close the door behind me with my foot, causing a slam and the abrupt stop to the music. I place the food down on the table and hesitantly walk to my bedroom. I see Harry still laying on the bed but quickly gets up when he sees me.

"Uh-hi." He says shyly.

"H-hi. . . Oh, um, the food, its here."

"Food? i thought we were going out tonight?"

"Well, w-we were but you were asleep. . ."

"Why didnt you just wake me up Lou?"

Lou? I begin to feel a blush creep on me.

"You- you just looked tired, so i just left you to get some rest. Its no big deal." I blush and look at my dirty vans. Boy, i really need to wash these.

"Louis, it is for me, i told you i wanted to go out with you tonight and do something fun but i ruined it. Im really sorry." He apologizes for being tired? He really is too nice for his own good.

"Why are you apologizing? Harry, i-its okay. We can still go out, its only 9:30. Listen, we can eat, and go out to the park or something? I dont have a shift tomorrow." Then Harry's face lights right up and so does my stomach with butterflies.

"Okay, fine, thank you." I softly smile to reassure him that its no big deal. I lead him out of the room and into the kitchen to where the pizza box, coke, and bread sticks lay on the table.

"Voila." I say and sit down, trying to make him feel less guilty. I feel guilty for not waking him up like he told me i should've.

Kick him out of your house LOU! The voices begin to mock my name and mumble a few more things.

Harry sits down across from me at the table and pulls out a slice.

"Wow, this is really cheesy. Thanks."

"No worries." I pull out a piece for me too and its awkwardly silent. So i decide to break the ice myself.

"So, did you sleep well?"

"Yeah, like i said, thats the most comfortable bed i've ever sat on."

"So, you're saying you sit in a lot of beds? You sleep around?" My attempt at a joke fails as Harry looks me straight in the eyes and coughs in displeasure.

"Im sorry I- I didnt mean to-" i say as i set my pizza down and not make eye contact with him.

"Um, it's fine. i just had that sort of reputation the majority of my life and im pretty tired of the whole 'Harry is a man whore'."

"Oh, I had no idea. Im so sorry."

"Louis, its cool, it was actually clever im juts a bit sensitive aha." I just made this 10x worse and it gets awkward once again.

. . .

"So where should we go?" Harry asks as he starts the car ignition.

"Um, no idea i'll go along with what you wanna do."

"Hm, i might have an idea." Harry smirks and drives off.

What if i bore him? Was the pizza really good or did he just say that to me make feel less terrible? My thoughts trail off until we reach our destination.

"Central Park?" I ask looking at the park then back at him.

"Central Park." Harry drives into the designated parking space.

"Really? What are we going to do here?"

"Well, we can walk around and admire the nature of it? Plus, it's prettier at night, Trust me?"

"Yes." I get out of the car and he does as well. Locking it and leading me into the park. I should've brought my own jacket. I control the rapid shivers. I really dont want to ruin this 'hang out' or whatever this is.

"Well lets go sit by the pond and we can get to know each other." He surprises me by grabbing my hand and leading me to the bend by the pond. Why is he holding my hand? He notices i get tense and lets go quickly, then proceeds to walk to the bench. He sits down first and i sit next to him but give us a friendly space between us. I look out towards the pond full of flowers and just the sweetest part of nature's details it had to offer. Harry breaths out and it gives me more chills.

"So, Louis, how are you?"

"How am I?" He nods and softly smiles.

"I-Im good, i suppose. How are y-you?"

"Im doing very well thank you. So, are you already enrolled in a university?"

"No, not yet. Soon though. You?"

"Yeah, im already enrolled." He smiles, being proud of himself.

"Oh, cool, what's your major?"

"Im studying law and psychology." He says and proceeds to ask me,"Yours?"

"I want to be a poet or a writer of some sort. Maybe an English teacher." I smile and look back at the pond admiring its beauty in the dark.

"I love literature as well." He hums in appreciation.

"So whats your story?"

"My story?. . .W-Well, its not much. I was born in Doncaster,Yorkshire, England on the 24th of December, 1991, Im 23, I'm 5' 9, moved to Maine when i was only a couple weeks old, I grew up in a home that consists of just my mother and I, I was taken away from my biological mother at the age of seven, got diagnosed with a rare case of schizophrenia, was put into treatment for two years, got tested, got released to a very wonderful foster family because they believed that returning me to the same environment would damage the illness further, I continued school regularly, got great grades, i earned enough money for myself and moved to New York. I work in a deli and live in a very nice apartment by myself and im still learning how to breath above the water." I sniffle from the cold air getting to my nostrils and tickling them.

"Wow, you're right. That wasn't much at all." His sarcasm is evident but i laugh anyway,"I'm just kidding, Lou. Hm, well would you like to listen to mine?" I nod slowly and focus all my attention towards him.

"Well, i was born in Redditch, Worcestershire, England on the 1st of February 1993, I was raised in Homes Chapel, Chesire, Im 21, im 5' 11, I've lived in England my whole life, my parents divorced when I was seven, i have one older sister named Gemma Anne Styles, i began to get the symptoms of schizophrenia when i was 16, my mother moved us out here to New York to see if it would help, it helped a little but not much, i went into some treatment, in and out of therapy and soon enough, my schizophrenia was slowly disappearing, I moved in with my sister when i turned 20, she was so stressed and upset when i was mentally ill so thats why she is now studying schizophrenics and the whole psychological parts of it to help others. Thats probably why she saw you and could easily tell you were suffering."

"Well, im glad you dont have the illness anymore. It isnt every convenient."

"No, it really isnt."

"So, your love life? Ever had a girlfriend or. . a boyfriend?"

"Girlfriend, yes, only once but it didnt last long enough to count it as a relationship. B-Boyfriend, never." I look into my lap and play with my fingers trying to avoid contact but i can still feel Harry staring at me.

"W-What about y-you?" I try to turn the tables here, i feel so vulnerable. Why would he possibly care anyways?

"I've had 1 girlfriend, but we didnt last long, I've had 2 boyfriends, one of which, meant the world to me."

"So, you're gay?"

"I believe bisexual, but im more into men than i am woman but I'll still be attracted to women."

Oh my god. What do i say to that?

"Did you feel loved?" I say trying to get away from the subject.

"Yes. Very loved. . .Have you ever been in love?" Harry asks and i fall dead silent. My heart begins to pound against my chest.

"N-No." I admit. I havent been in love before. Its all a silly game to me anyway.

"What about you Louis? Are you Straight, Bi, Gay, Pan-sexual, what?"

"You really like to ask questions dont you? You're so open and honest so quickly." I tease but i let loose and answer the god damn question.

"I'm straight."

"Oh, well thats nice." Harry smiles and looks at the pond. I feel so awkward sitting here so i pull out my phone and look at the time. Its only 10:45pm.

"You want to go home?" Harry asks shifting on the bench so his body is facing mine.

"No, I'm good, unless you want to go?" I ask scared that he'll say yes. This is the most company I've had in a while.

"Nope, I'm good, but we should go somewhere fun, like Calypso's bar." He smirks and chuckles.

"I havent been to any bars, they kind of stress me out. . ."

"If you haven't been into one, how would you know they would stress you out? Let loose! You dont have a shift tomorrow anyways. Get up, drinks are on me." He smiles and stands. I stand up from the bench, sigh in defeat. We start to make our way back to his car, and a visit to a bar wouldnt hurt.


	6. Schizophrenia

"Now since this is your first time, you need to take it easy. Oh, and be careful with the freaks. They will dance with you whether you want to or not, Okay? Oh, and Louis, have fun?" Harry yells into my ear as we enter the loud bar. I nod. 

Wow, Calypso is so packed i dont understand how people can move around in this. I try to follow Harry through the thick, sweaty crowd, people grinding up against each other. Mostly men are here and some females, but the majority is men. Harry leds me to the bar and orders us a round of shots. The shots get made quickly and the bottom of the shot glows with pink. It looks very pretty and delicious. I hesisitate a bit and harry already has finished his shot.

"Well...try it!" Harry urges me to go on and i do so. Let loose right? I place the glass to my lips as Harry keeps a watchful eye on them, making my pants feel tighter. I close my eyes and i toss my head back, letting the liquid burn its way down my throat.

"Wooo!" I yell out from how strong it was but it was still good.

"Liked it?!" Harry yells over the music and i nod quickly.

"I kind of want another." I feel a bit relaxed and comfortable. Im not usually comfortable in social situations like this but tonight, in this bar, with harry, it seems fine to me.

"Me too." Harry then yells for the bartender and orders 2 more rounds with different colors.  
. . . 

 

Its been at least about an hour since we arrived in this club. My viens are full of alcohol. I reach the dance floor and feeling clumsy and drunk, I'm letting 'loose' like Harry said I should, i needed this. I really did. I'm enjoying myself dancing with some females. They grind themselves up against me but i dont feel the rhythm of their bodies agaisnt mine. I excuse myself to look for Harry and he is chatting with another man. He seems cheerful and looks very seductive. I'm not all that attracted to Harry but it wouldnt hurt to just try to tease him a bit. I look around and attempt to find an attractive male to dance with in front of Harry to just catch his eye so he would dance with me for once. I finally spot a guy that seems attractive enough, just gotta see if he's into grinding with men. I make my way over to him and start to dance towards the stranger. I look over at Harry and the other guy ended up leaving. Harry is alone & looking into the ocean of dancing bodies. I'll admit, I'm a bit drunk, if i wasn't, i wouldn't be brave enough to approach this man at all. I finally reach the male and start to dance with him until he begins to inch closer. Alright, he's into dancing with men. At first its friendly, then it turns into grinding when he twirls me around and I'm forced up against him. My back to his front in an uncomfortable position.

"Why dont i just take you into the bathroom and fuck your pretty little ass, huh?" He whispers into my ear and i squirm to get away. I look towards Harry, who has finally made eye contact with me, looks at me shocked and disturbed setting his drink down, i turn to face the man and yell over the music.

"I -I can't, Im straight."Im trying my best to say the words but im so drunk its hard to know how to respond. I look at the angry, sexually frustrated man. Oh fuck, what am I doing? 

"Then why the fuck are you in a gay bar?! Are you into teasing gay men and seducing them into getting nothing? Nah, I dont think so, I'll make you gay if I have to, i want that pretty little ass." 

"Gay ba-" I get cut off and I wince when he pulls me up against him, he aggressively kisses my neck. I try to push him off but I'm tiny and fragile compared to him, and well drunk, i just squeeze my eyes shut and hope Harry gets here quickly. I breath heavy when i feel the musky air of the bar hit my neck where the stranger previously had his tongue on. I look up to see Harry pushing the guy away and quickly pulling me away from the freakish male. We quickly make our way into the bathroom and there's men making out everywhere. Harry took me to a gay bar?

"Hey, you okay?" It's quiter in here even though there's moaning, wet noises, and slams against the bathroom stalls.

"Yeah, im fine, I-I just want to go now please." My speech is slurred because Im not drunk, I'm shit-faced drunk. Its been a while since I got completely wasted. 

"Sure, my place or yours?"

"Mine, please, I-I want to go home."

"Of course, but stay close to me. I dont need another man getting to you first." I didnt understand a word he said but i grab onto the arm he offered and he pulls me out of the packed, sexually infested men club. Really? A gay bar?!

. . . . 

I'm being helped up the steps to my door and I pull out the keys and try to find the correct one to unlock my door. I drop the keys and i bang the door in frustration.

"God Dammit! I can't do anything right!" I yell in anger, tonight just wasn't very good.

"Here, let me help you, which key is it?" Harry leans down to pick the keys up and i point to the blue rimmed key. Harry still has his arm wrapped around my waist as he unlocks the door and pushes it open. He fumbles for the light switch and successfully finds it, making the room emanate painful lighting that burns my irises. I hiss from the sudden light and Harry helps me into my room and turns on another light, I'm more adjusted to the light now. He lays me on the bed and tugs of vans off. 

"I-I can do it." I beg him to let me do it but he ignores me. I reach my hands down towards my socks but he pushes my hand away. I groan and he proceeds to go towards the button on my jeans. 

Oh fuck, Oh fuck, Oh fuck.

He unbuttons them and zips them down. I feel myself get hard and i feel so ashamed. Thank god that he didn't notice it, he then slips them off of me quickly and leaves me in my black Calvin Klein boxer briefs. I mewl a little from the cold air against my thighs and i notice Harry takes a second to look at my thighs and focuses himself on my shirt. He slides his hand behind my back that had been comfortably laid on the bed previously, and pulls my white muscle tank top off of my sweaty body. I feel exposed once again but this time i don't care. Its the alcohol. I sit up on my own and I look up at Harry. The dim lights make him glow, his natural beauty radiating off of him like steam. I reach up to his buttoned up t-shirt and agressively pull him down on top of me. Once he's on me, he's shocked and overwhelmed, in one swift motion, I turn so im now on top of him. Kissing his lips. His lips of pink velvet that have been waiting to be kissed. I feel the loneliness of this kiss. I can taste the tears he's probably shed millions of times when he was broken. But I, I'm still broken, but together with him. I feel hesistation then a nudge on my chest. He's tense.

"No, Lou-" I cut him off when i kiss his lips again. Caressing his face with my thumb, filling in the curves of his face with my fingers, exploring, exploring, exploring. I get nudged off. 

No more exploring. 

"No, Louis, you're drunk. I want you, but never like this. Plus, you're not into me like that, I'm sorry Lou, just no. Good night." Harry sits up and I actually feel embarrassed and humiliated for the first time tonight. I pout and i sluggishly get under my covers. Harry kisses my forehead swiftly and walks out of the room turning off the light. . . 

 

And my affection.

 

. . . . . 

 

I wake up with the biggest headache in history. The lights are barely shinning through the curtains (which makes my head ache even more) and i notice a glass of water and two advil pills. Theres a note as well. 

'Its for the headache you just woke up to. If you dont remember anything, i would like to explain if you want. - Harry x'

"Explain what?" I whisper to myself as i crumple up the paper and throw it on the floor. I take the pills and slowly sit up and get out of my bed. I feel exposed as i look down and see I'm in my boxers, i look around for a pair if clean sweats and slip them on. I grab a vans t-shirt with two skeleton hands, holding up a rainbow that connects to one another. I crack open the door and step out. I rub the sleep out of my eyes and head into the living room. Its all organized, the cushions on the couches were straightened up, the coffee table looks less dirty and more shiny, the book shelf is also organized. I look around the corner and see Harry sitting at the dinning room table, sipping on what i suppose is tea. 

"Good morning, uh, thanks, for o-organizing?"

"Morning! No problem, come sit. I ordered take out breakfast, which is very convenient. Should be here in 5 minutes. Oh and I made some tea, sorry." Harry pats the chair next to him and i oblige. I slowly make my way over, still a bit drunk. The alcohol still hasn't left my system. 

"No worries, help y-yourself. . ." I say as i sit next to him. Feeling his warmth from the little distance between us.

"That's a very nice shirt Lou." Harry teases and i remember the rainbow and Harry's sexual orientation. I smile and look over at him.

"So, did you sleep well?" Harry takes a sip from the cup, using both hands to hold it up. His large hands invade the whole entire cup. He keeps his eye contact with me but i break it when i respond. 

"Like a baby." I say crossing my arms and leaning against the back of the chair. 

"Hmm." Harry sets the cup down on the table that makes a unsatisfactory noise due to my headache and i wince. Harry didn't seem to notice though.

"How did you sleep?" I ask myself looking back at him, now leaning foward to rest my elbows on the table, using my indexes to rub my temples. 

"Like a baby." Harry responds dramatically and i smile. 

"So, how did you like last night?"

"Harry, it was all clear and fun up until my 10th shot of highlighter alcohol. Care to explain w-what went on?"

"Well, Louis Tomlinson, you, last night, ATTEMPTED to make me jealous. You put yourself in a bad, i mean TERRIBLE, situation. I, however, rescued you. You're welcome." Harry says like its a matter of fact, sounding like a blond Brooklyn lady who loves to gossip, and proceeds to sip on his damn tea.

"Uh, the last time I checked im straight, I have no reason to purposely make you jealous, it doesnt make sense. You sure it was me?" I say looking at Harry, pretty shocked with myself, "Ca-can you like give details or something?" I ask as i feel the blush creep up on my face. Ny head pounding further. 

"Well, you were dancing with another man, he started to grind up against you, you seemed uncomfortable, i noticed, i pushed the male off of you, pulled you into the restroom, asked you if you want to go home, and so you agreed and we ended up here."

"Oh god, I'm sorry, I was really drunk." I say feeling very hopeless and reckless right now. 

"But that's not all!" Harry teases further.

"What? W-What do you mean?!" I ask startled. 

"Well, I'm going to tell you it under one condition."

"What condition?"

"Promise not to change anything about our friendship. Its really shouldn't anyways." I start to tense up but i nod for him to go on. 

"Okay, well after i brought you back here. I was helping you take your clothes off, you wanted to but you were to drunk to know what you were doing so i did it. I took off your jeans and then your shirt, which led you to reach up and grab onto my shirt, actually ripping a button off of it. You tugged me onto you, kissing my lips. You shifted and ended up on top if me and kissed me. I-"

"Oh my god, did we?"

"No, we didn't. I had to stop you."

"Jesus christ, Harry, I am so sorry Im never like that. It was way too much alcohol for me." I place my head in my hands feeling so embarrassed sitting here with this beautiful person. Im not worthy. 

"You don't have to apologize. I was okay with it but then i thought about you and how you would feel. Plus you were drunk and I wasn't into that. But like i said, don't let this change the relationship as friends." Harry smiles and reassures me. 

"I-I won-" Im cut off by a knock at the door. My head pulses once again. 

"C-Can you get that, please?" I ask politely and Harry gets up. 

This situation is so fucked up.


	7. Schizophrenic

Harry gets up and quickly makes his way to the front door retrieving the food he had ordered. Louis was lost in thought and has lost his appetite after finding out about the events that occurred last night. Its not that big of a deal but for Louis its always a big deal.

You really messed up. Again. When dont you ever mess up? What does he truly think of you now?

Louis puts his head in his hands and mentally yells at the voices to tell them to stop terrorizing him, until he realizes that its the first time he's heard the voices in a while. Last time he heard them was just before Harry visited the Deli. The voices had just started to slowly slip away. Last night was probably the best night Louis had ever experienced, and Louis has never been the type to get drunk, truthfully, he’s never been drunk before so the experience was new and of a great deal to him. Being taken away from his mother at an early age, then put into treatment, which then led him to be put into a home full of strangers that raised and taught him how to be better than what people expected him to be, he was picture perfect to them, he was their type of normal. A crooked kind of perfect. Louis always told himself that he doesn't need alcohol to be okay, he just needed to be alone. But Louis, Louis needed it. Harry finally comes back, sits, and sets the food boxes down on the table, then takes a double take towards Louis' direction.

"Hey Lou, you okay?" Louis takes in a deep breath and nods his head.

"Fine." He fakes a smile the best he could and grabs the box set on the table in front of him. Harry can't help but feel a little embarrassed over last night too ( embarrassed of how he had behaved with Louis ) but he just couldn't do that to Louis either. Harry is respectful, and courteous of others. He wasn't going to deny that Louis was fit and curvy in all the right places. Louis had the perfect size for thighs, and a nicely shaped back, and just thinking about how Louis would look under Harry’s sudden touch. It sends chills through Harry but Harry, Harry is respectful. Harry hasn't experienced affection the way he always wanted it, but he also hasn't been looking for anybody in particular either. He always mentioned something along the lines of ‘someone who is nice and funny’. Silence floods over the two of them until Harry decides to speak up.

"Hey, um, Louis, I'm really sorry but i just remembered i have a couple of things to do today. I'll text you later and maybe i can come back tonight and we can do something here?" Harry gets up suddenly and puts his jacket and shoes on, grabbing his belongings. He grabs the box with his breakfast in it, trying to clean up after himself. He stands at the door, opens it, and looks at Louis for his response.

All Louis can do is just nod a final yes, and with that the door slams and makes louis jump at the sound and leaves him alone to relish in his own desperate thoughts.

"Oh, Styles, what are you doing to me?" Louis lays back on the chair, head dropping back, looking at the plain white ceiling.

\----------

Louis has been sitting at the table just thinking. Trying to understand his emotions and what he could’ve felt last night. Thinking about what Harry had explained to him. Why would Louis even attempt to kiss Harry? He isnt attracted to him. Besides, Louis is in fact straight. Only had desires for a womans body.

That’s False.

He's had desires for the male body too but has never wanted to admit the fact that he is indeed attracted to Harry in that way. There's no point in denying it after what he had attempted last night. But he wont admit it to Harry either. Harry is his only friend at the moment, besides Gemma, but Louis feels like a walking science experiment around her. Harry is something else. To Louis, Harry seems to be the light in the morning that is right on your face when you wake up and cant go back to sleep because of it. Yeah, Harry is that light. Harry is gravity. Harry is like a beautiful piece of China that is too fragile to touch and handle. It’s just too easy to let it slip from your fingertips and break when you, yourself, is also broken into pieces. Another odd thing about Harry is that whenever Louis is near him, the voices dont bother to make an appearance, which is great. It's helpful to Louis. Louis stands and makes his way to his bedroom. He has to sleep off all the alcohol he had taken into his system the night before. Hopefully he’ll feel better by the time Harry comes back later that night.

……….

*buzz buzz*

Louis sits up quickly when he hears his phone vibrating on top of the dresser by his closet. He darts towards the phone and picks up not bothering to look at the caller ID.

“H-hello?” Louis is still half asleep when he picks up.

“Louis, it’s me, can you open the door? Im outside.” Louis recognizes the voice as Harry’s and runs towards the entrance to his apartment. Louis hangs up the phone and opens the door to see a tired, yet content looking Harry staring back at him. Louis steps aside so Harry could enter his home. Louis checks the time and gasps a little. It’s half past 1am.

“Shit um, Harry i have a shift tomorrow, or actually today. So, I cant really stay up too long.”

“Oh my god, I am so terribly sorry Louis. i didnt even realize what time it was…” Harry face palms himself which leads louis into feeling like shit for telling him about his shift.

“No harry its okay just come in.” Louis moves out of the way so harry could come in and warm up. Harry gives in and walks in then speaks up again,” So, what have you been up to since i left?” He takes a seat on the couch facing the TV.

“To be honest with you, i slept my hangover off.” Louis smiles and sits on a chair and crosses his legs.

“So you just slept ever since i left this morning? How did you do that? I can only sleep for a few hours at a time!” Harry sits up and places his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands staring intently at Louis.

“Well, i sat down and finished my breakfast first, then watched TV, then i slept for a few hours,” replied a very fatigued Louis.

Lie, lie, and lie. The voices mock him. Louis thinks to himself, why are the voices here? Harry is here so why are they?

“Did it get rid of your hangover?”

“Yeah, most of it at least, I dont feel as terrible.” Louis replys and Harry just smirks.

“Yeah, hangovers are the worst. I speak from experience.” Harry says quite proudly.

“And thats something you’re proud of?” Louis says and seemed to have hit a sensitive spot in Harry. He freezes but sits up from his poor postured state he was previously in.

“Never have I ever been proud of getting hungover.” Harry is serious which is weird. 

“harry, i-it was just a joke. . .” Louis says feeling horrible.

Harry only hums and lays his head back on the couch. “Gemma wanted to know if you could come by tomorrow after your shift, she has some more questions for you.” Louis suddenly feels nervous and unprepared.

“I, um, Y-yeah thats f-fine.” Louis looks at his nails and swallows hard. He really doesnt want to be poked and prodded at anymore but he would feel like a terrible person if he didnt help her. 

“hey louis, would it be weird if i asked if i could lay in your bed, its really, really comfortable and my back is killing me.” 

“Uh, yeah ill just sleep out here tonight if you feel like staying.” Louis offers but Harry doesnt agree to it.

“Well i also wanted to know if you would lay with me. . .” 

“Harry, I-Im straight.” Louis says and it confused Harry.

“Listen being straight has nothing to do with what i want to do. I’ll stay away from you while laying there. . . just, i just dont want to be in there alone…” Harry seems like some lost kid who was abandoned and felt lonely.

Louis still hesitated but gave in. Louis nods and Harry leads him to Louis’ room. Harry is the first to sit on the bed and takes his shoes off and his big hat that almost looks like it could be a helipad. He then lays down and pats the empty space next to him waiting for Louis to get the simple message being portrayed by harry. Louis walks over slowly and turns on the nightstand lamp and turns off the room light. The little light gives the room a soft orange glow and makes the setting perfect. Louis sits and lets out a sigh and gets comfortable next to Harry and the whole time, Harry was just staring and admiring Louis’ every move. Harry was the type of boy that sits and admires what people are like and how they move and how they are as a person individually. Louis look at and finds Harry looking at him already.

“Hi,” Harry says.

“Hi,” Louis answers with a small giggle.

“Haven’t spoken to you in a while.” 

“Yeah i know, its been a whole minute since we last spoken.”

“Far too long!” Harry says with such a dramatic tone and makes Louis laugh with crinkles by his eyes this time. A genuine laugh.

“You are such a weirdo.” Louis says after his giggle fit and Harry shrugs, “Yeah, so I’ve been told.” Harry proceeds to smile. Harry looks at the nightstand and reaches over to it grabbing the book, making his body brush against Louis’ making him feel desperate for another touch but wont admit that to himself.

“So, this book, how did you get it and what is it about?” Harry says flipping through the pages scanning over them.

“It was a book that i got while in treatment, probably the only thing that kept me sane in there. Its about a guy who finds out he has only a few days to live so he spends the last few days with his love of his life Carlos-a. I meant Carla. The guy who has cancer, his name is Carlos.” Louis got nervous when he let it slip, he doesn't want Harry to know that its a gay story which would reveal himself to Harry. But then Harry flips the book and reads the summary instead.

“Right, yeah Carlos and Jake.” Harry teases Louis because he caught him in a lie about the book and himself.

“Im straight but i thought it was a good story.” He defends himself.

“Louis, if you arent comfortable telling me that you are gay its okay but just know if you are, I’m here to support you 100%.” Harry closes the book and sets it down on the bed space in between Louis and himself then lays on his side to face louis. Louis turns and faces Harry as well. Louis begins to tear up and starts to sob a little. 

“I just dont want to a-admit it to m-myself. . .” Louis then really starts to cry and Harry pulls Louis into his chest to let Louis cry freely. 

“Louis you have to relieve yourself if you want to move on, it will only hold you back.” Harry does the unthinkable but kisses louis’ head to comfort him. Louis inhales and exhales to calm down and he eventually does and whispers into Harry’s chest.

“I’m gay and it’s okay. .” Harry feels overwhelming pride and kisses Louis’ head. 

Harry mentally says to himself: I will try fix you.

**Author's Note:**

> I kind of messed up because I didnt realize what I had been doing..... so here it is, the first 6 chapters will be in Louis' point of view, but nobody will truly get a good vibe from the story if it has POVs, so chapter 7 will turn into third person and so on, no more POVs. Sorry for the great confusion!


End file.
